We all have that one friend who says she’s never having kids, hates being around them, loves alcohol far too much and can’t understand why anyone would ‘give up their life’ and independence to take care of another human being for at least 18 years! Yep that was me – I was that person.
The older I was getting everyone around me was popping out kids, getting married, buying houses, and all I wanted to do was book my next flight ticket and see somewhere new. I’d been with my partner Gary over 2 years and when we met we had to have the kid/marriage convo, as he was 23 years older than me, and with me being mid 20s he presumed we would want different things. But I was there reassuring him not to worry about all that because I 100% never wanted kids, wasn’t bothered about marriage, my goals in life were to see the world, be independent and to travel when I wanted to, solo or with a partner.
For a while our relationship wasn’t exactly stable, we were on and off like a lightbulb! We had a lot in common, we were both self employed so we had a damn good lifestyle, eating and drinking out several days a week, and making the most of the beautiful island that we live on. Why would I want to ruin all that by throwing a kid into the mix?!
Anyway I decided I needed to get away, spend sometime alone and tick off some of my bucket list. So off i went for 5 weeks around Europe seeing the majority of cities I’d been having itchy feet to get too. I always believe that time apart made our relationship. I had a new perspective on life and what I wanted, and we realised how much we missed each other. Fast forward another year and my mum was longing for a grandchild, I had always told her from an earlier age that she would miss out on being a grandma (as I’m an only child), it was still hard for her to accept. I was 29 at the time and I felt like 30 was creeping around the corner, why does 30 sound so god damn old when in your 20s sounds so much younger, I was kinda dreading getting to 30. I felt like that was the age i should be having my shit together by, and I felt like I still needed more. After several conversations with Gary and mum, with them both telling me what an amazing mum I would be and that I didn’t know what I was missing out on, seeds started to be planted in my head and I knew that I needed to have that bond and love in my life. As stupid as this may sound, with my partner being a similar age to my parents, I started to worry about being on my own without anyone in the future. So that was the day we agreed to come off the pill and start trying for a baby! I was under the impression it would take a few years, little did I know 3 months later I would be peeing on a stick to see them two little lines.. but unfortunately it didn’t all go to plan..